Mumzilla's no cry sleep solution

The kids nearly drive me out of my mind some nights. Especially nights when I desperately need to sleep and do not wish to see their faces till the next morning.

On Monday night, Adam slept at 1AM. At 3AM, he woke up with a cough & threw up. I woke up, cleaned him, changed him, mopped the floor, got both of us back to bed.
3:30AM: he woke. Again. This time it's a runny nose. Went to grab tissues from living room. Blew nose. Went back to bed.
5AM: Ashton woke up for milk.
6AM: time to start my day.
I can't make this shit up even if I tried.


It's Ok when he's unwell (like on Monday). But when it happens almost every night for no *valid reason like for the past week and if it continues, I might have to rehome him.
*Valid reasons: bleeding profusely, asphyxiating, life in danger.

Most of the time, I lay on the bed perfectly still and pretend to sleep until I really fall asleep and have absolutely no recollection of when/how the kids slept.
But sometimes, when all that coaxing, instructing, reasoning, and threatening (I do NOT want to see you out of your room unless your life is in danger otherwise..!!!!!) do not work, I do what I do best - resort to brute force.

When Adam is rowdy and does not follow my instructions after I issue them 500 times, and as a result wake Ashton up/ keep everyone wide awake because the maid has to come out to help hush Ashton/ Andy takes over and repeat same instructions, it makes me extremely fedup.
Wanna know how I deal with such issues when they crop up with my unruly kids?
Pretty calmly I would say. I punch the living day lights out of Adam so all noise would stop.
In Mandarin, it's called 狠狠揍他一顿. It usually works. He will whine and cry and complain to his Daddy and then fall asleep immediately after whining.
With Adam asleep, the house is quiet again and Ashton will go back to bed. With both kids asleep, I immediately dive into bed and get my sleep.

Welcome to my version of "No tears (from Mama, not kids) sleep solution". And let me assure you, I do love my children, but at 10pm, I do not wish to see or hear them again till the following day.

On certain days, Imma feel like this.
photo source: Facebook Famous Quotes.