Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Being a good wife makes me a bad mother. Vice versa.

Being a good wife makes me a sucky mother. And vice versa.

I haven't been posting much about the kids and our lives at the moment but this incident got me thinking.
Some time back, the husband suggested watching Transformers at the cinema. A mid-week dinner date without the boys. I obliged.
We checked ourselves into the Platinum Suites at Cathay, had a nice dinner while watching the Autobots, and by the time the movie was over and we got home, it was 9:15pm.
We reached our lobby and I saw the kids, my maid, and mil waiting for us downstairs because my mil forgot our house keys and the kids were locked out of the house.
It was 9:15pm. They were sitting at the lobby of our block waiting for their Mummy and Daddy to get back so they could go into the comfort of their own home.

We rushed upstairs, I opened Adam's bag to check his homework and discovered he had forgotten to do his abacus homework which I had specifically instructed him to when I called home in the afternoon.
 I was mad at him and reprimanded him and he apologized for forgetting.  More so, I was angry with myself for not being there to supervise Adam's work.
I hadn't showered all day. 
When I finally stepped into the bathroom for a shower, the kids came out of their room and wanted to play with toys while waiting for me to put them to bed.
It was 10:30pm. I hurriedly changed them into their pyjamas, made them milk and sent them to bed.

I lay in bed with Adam and Ashton and fell asleep sandwiched between them and didn't wake up until the next morning. From the corners of my eyes, I saw it was day break. I jumped with a start and checked my phone because my alarm didn't ring at 6am. I woke up at 7am. My alarm didn't ring because my phone went dead because I was so tired I forgot to charge my phone.

I felt horrid all of the next day.
I tried to be a good wife at the expense of my two children.
Sure, we all need a break from the kids sometimes. We all need to spend solo time with our spouses to keep the spark in marriage. But here I was, causing the kids and my helper to forsake their rest, waiting downstairs for us to get our bloody arses home. I was out of the children's sight from dawn to late into the night, and as a result neglected coaching Adam in his abacus work.
The only time the children had with me, was spent lying in bed and hushing everyone and trying to get both of them to sleep so that I could sleep.
I am a bad mother when I try to be a good wife.
Likewise when I get too caught up trying to be a good mother (so much coaching/ playing/ planning/ activities) the husband thinks we need some couple time too.

Not many people I know admit these stuff. Most of the time, people on social media try to portray a nice image of how wonderful married lives are and how they've got it all together. Which is not wrong to think so, of course.
I do love my kids and husband to the moon and back, but certain times, times like these, make me feel that marriage and motherhood can be major contradicting & oxymoronic.

There. I said it. That's what married life with kids does to one.


  1. Hi, may I know how do you burn the resins? Thanks.

    1. Hi Lydia, theres a type of burning pot used by indians for their incense. U need to get those and also the charcoal from Mustafa or any indian Mama shop 😄


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