FTWM: First week of returning to work

I've finally returned to work.
Although I was given a relatively easy assignment on my first week, I still felt like a new staff, blur and at a loss.

More worrying is the fact that I had trouble keeping awake by mid-day!
I wonder how other Mommies do it - juggling more than one kid, doing night feeds, working full-time, and keeping everything together.
By Tuesday evening, I was already knocked out and slept on the kids' mattress on the floor of my MIL's house till it was time for us to go home.
On Wednesday, I took half the day off and went home to nap.

I wonder how I am gonna pull through next week, and the weeks thereafter. Gesh.

One thing is for sure - regardless whether you are a full time working Mom, or a stay-home Mom, being a Mommy is a full-time job.
Working doesn't stop me from fulfilling my Mommy duties. In fact, when it's time to knock off, they give me much motivation to rush home to spend time with them again.
I feed them, I give them their evening baths, I engage with them.
You might also be amazed that my 3-month old is keeping me on my toes as much as his 3-year old brother does.
I now have to manage two children's schedules on top of my own - I call it Mommy Admin.
It's hard dividing my time and attention between the two, but I try.

Anyway, I can finally smell the weekend (yay), as well as my three stinky boys (two small ones and one extra-large). Looking forward to spending time with them. Andy wants to hit the town to do some Xmas shopping. Oh goody.

Sleep, elusive sleep.

When I adopted my sheltie Alice 10 years ago, the lady who rehomed her made me bring her home to do a few days' trial to assess my readiness in keeping a dog.
I was also interrogated with a million questions - Was I a student or was I working?
If I'm a student, who is paying for the upkeep of the dog?
Did I have any prior experience in keeping dogs?
Who was I staying with? Did my parents approve of the dog?
Did I stay in an apartment or landed property?
Were there young children or other dogs in the household?
Did I have time to walk her daily?
Likewise, when Andy & I purchased our border collie Maverick, the petshop person passed us packets of sample dog food along with a laundry list of vets and dog training schools categorised according to zone (North, Central, East, West of Singapore).

Having a baby seemed less work than having a dog.
Throughout both my pregnancies, not a single person asked our housing type or assessed if we were emotionally and physically prepared to have children. Nobody asked if we had our home baby-proofed and that we used only products that had passed stringent safety standards. BPA-free? Safety gates? Socket covers? Nobody wanted to know.
No one cared whether we had qualifications in early childhood education or if we were CPR-trained.
We could be serial killers living in slumps and they wouldn't have guessed.


Nobody said parenting was easy, but I didn't know it was gonna be this tough, and nobody warned us.

Tonight was Andy's weekly soccer practice and as Murphy's law would have it, both kids decided not to sleep early tonight. It's a weekday night and I am desperate to get them both to sleep because God forbid they do this when I'm back to work.

The baby attacked my boobs fiercely and the minute I put him down he started crying.
The 3 year old couldn't stop fidgeting about and asking me his wh- questions.
I thought I was about to go insane so I promptly sent some expletives to Andy's hp, and asked him to kindly come home (get your bloody ass back home IMMEDIATELY you bloody jerk asshole!!!)

I had looked up parenting books for sleep advice and diligently followed every instruction. Putting a child down for nap? Draw the curtains, dim the lights, quieten the room to reduce stimulation. The result? I have a toddler who is the lightest sleeper on the whole planet.
Sleep scheduling your infant? Allow your infant to self-soothe and if the crying doesn't stop, gently pat him and coo to him in soft, reassuring tones.
My infant didn't care to "self-soothe", and neither of us could hear my reassuring coos from all that screaming.

Who comes up with such advise?! Are people who write parenting books, parents?
Fuck sleep training, whatever that means anyway.
If sleep didn't elude any parent, I'd have 8 more kids.


Presenting my two monsters:

Adam says Ashton is his best friend forever, and that I'm naughty (because I scolded him) so I am not his best friend. Horror of horrors!
Well, at least my life isn't boring.

Life as a working Mom

Clocking in my last month of maternity leave, I'll be returning to work in December, which is quite a scary thought right now.
I wonder how I'm gonna cope with work and the night feeds.
Ashton is still far from sleeping through the night, which is the part I'm dreading most.
May God save me.

The idea of resigning and being a stay-home Mommy ever crossed my mind, but then I subsequently decided against it.
First of all, laundry and scrubbing toilets do not feature in my Top Ten list of personal achievements.
Secondly, whoever said kids need your time and not your money?
As far as I know, my kids need my money. Lots of it.
School fees cost money - the teachers need to get paid.
Groceries and diapers cost money.
Organic stuff cost more than normal grocery.
And when the time comes, tuition and enrichment classes will cost money.
To top it all off, we have a live-in helper who is very high maintenance and cannot drive.

I need to work. I want to work.
The financial freedom is a bonus for my lifestyle, not just for my kids.
Moreover, working allows me to stay relevant, and gives me the opportunity to engage in conversations that do not involve bum cream and nappy rash.

So yeap. I'm going back to work. Soon.
Going to embark on an all-new journey as a full-time working Mom with two young kids, a Hubby and twelve Kois.
What a scary, scary thought.

The ultimate birth control

My 3yr old is the ultimate birth control. Here's how.

It was a typical Sunday dinner with my in-laws. When the dishes started arriving at the table,
Adam: Mummy I want milk.
Me: The food is here baby. We're having dinner.
Adam: (whines) But I want milk.... I want nan nan!!
Me: I didn't bring your nan nan out. You can drink when we get home after we finish dinner Ok?? (I start dishing up food for him into his bowl)
Adam: (face crumbles and starts wailing) I WANT NAN NAN! WAHHHHHH!!!!! I WANT TO DRINK NAN NAN! WAHHHHHH!!!!

At this critical point, the baby starts wailing in the pram as well, demanding a milk feed.
We were The Family with 2 Wailing Kids.

On a separate time, as we were preparing to go to my Mum's one day, I told Adam he could pick out a toy to bring there.
He stood in his Play room for a grand total of 15 minutes and could not decide which would be the lucky toy. Everyone was waiting for him at the door - the helper carrying bags, Andy carrying Ashton. I was getting impatient.
Me: Adam hurry up, just pick a toy.
Adam: I dont know which one.
Me: Ok let me help you. How about your aeroplane?
Adam: Nooooo...... Put it backkkkk......
Me: Ok then you can bring the helicopter (takes helicopter).
Adam: Noooooo I don't want helicopter.......
Me: so what do you want?? Your Tonka trucks?
Adam: Don't wannnnnnn...... (starts stamping feet).
Me: Ok then we don't have to bring any toy there if you dont want to. Come let's go.
Adam: Uhhhhhhh I WANT to bringggggg.....
Me: (raises my voice) Then just pick a toy! Hurry up Adam. We need to go. Or you can jolly well stay home with Aunty Dwi and we are leaving without you.

By the time I finished my sentence, Adam collapsed to the floor bawling, although I should be the one collapsing to the ground in exasperation instead.

Seriously, my child is the ultimate birth control.
Just looking at him is enough to make any man shrivel up.
There could be a correlation why our direct neighbors are childless, or why my good brother, who offers to babysit him when we are at my Mum's, disappears quietly to his own room after 10 minutes.
For all you know, he could even be one of the contributing factors to our nation's declining birth rate.

If you are considering whether or not to have children, I highly recommend you to spend some time with mine.

Life with two.

Recently, an ex-school mate of mine who is expecting her second child SMSed me asking how's life with two kids.
My reply to her was, "It's crazy. I don't even have time to pluck my armpit hair".
It's true - I can't make this shit up.

I'm slightly irritated at this point of my life.
Having two kids under the age of four has totally thrown my life out of whack.
Every night, I dread having to put both kids to sleep.

You see, Adam is rowdy and keeps the baby awake. Yet, he cannot sleep without me because I'm the only person in his whole wide world who can put him to bed.
The baby cannot stop sucking on my boobs. Left breast, dozes off. Put baby down in crib. Starts fidgeting. Escalates to crying. Right breast. Baby dozes off. Put him back into crib.
Meanwhile, I tell Adam to go back to his room and sleep, only about 700 times. But we all know it too well - he walks in and out of my room about 750 times. And because of this, the noise is keeping the baby awake.

Who exchanged the Adam who could sleep through the night alone with this needy kid??

When the baby finally sleeps, I drag Adam back to his room & we fall asleep together on his bed because I am too bloody mother-fucking exhausted.
The next time I wake up is about 3-4hours later, to the cries of the baby in crib in my room. I also have my contact lens/ glasses and hair band still on because I was too bloody mother-fucking exhausted to remove them. Night after night after night.
If there's one thing motherhood has made me do, it's swearing. I find myself swearing a lot after children entered my life.
I hardly sleep anymore, fuckit, but life still goes on. My bladder is full, goddammit, but the baby can't break away from my boobs. I smell of stale cheese and have spit-ups on my T-shirt, the same one I wore since yesterday. Shit.
What did I swear about in the past anyway? A broken nail?

Another 3-4 hours later I wake up again for another feeding, and then it's almost daybreak and soon I have to wake Adam up for school, and get on with my day's activities functioning on so little sleep.
By mid-day, my hair is in such a mess that my keys could get lost in them.

I now have two needy children despite the fact that I have a husband, a mother-in-law and a helper.
Weekends are no better. The entire household is hyped up about not having to school/ work and everyone but me seems to be happy with lesser sleep.
Never in my life did I imagine myself to pray for Mondays. Once Adam is out the door on his way to school, I do cartwheels.
I am grouchy and disheveled.
I wish this is only a passing phase and I can get my own life back. Soon.

By the way, here are my two slightly irritating children:

Opa Gangnam style at 9:30pm on a Tuesday night.
Yes, it's a school night and I let my child dance on the table-top.
Minus 300 parenting points.

Buddha baby with double chin.
A romper which says "I want Mummy's boobs" would be more apt.

Goodness, I do love my children. I'm just saying, being a mother is such a tough job!

One of Murphy's Laws of Parenting

One of Murphy's laws of Parenting:
The day your helper is off is when your child decides to throw up all over himself, and the back of the car.

Dwi had the day-off on Hari Raya.
Thus for the first time in 2 months, we were back at those "helpless" times.
Had to do all the bending/ picking/ keeping/ cleaning/ washing all over again.
Luckily it was soon time to get out of the house for lunch and Andy's haircut.

By 6pm, I hadn't rested all day (being close to 40-weeks pregnant), and Adam & I had walked loads. From Wisma to Taka Kinokuniya where he sat down to read books. When books lost their appeal, we headed to Taka's Craziest Toy Sale then back to Wisma again with all the shopping bags (I was alone with Adam cos Andy went for his haircut).
On the way home, he threw up and I had to clean up puke in the car (with help of Andy), and clean up after the toddler.
As if that's not enough, when it was bath time, Adam decided to spray jets of water all over the floor (outside the bathroom, no less) creating a mini flood (ponding) in the walkway down the hall.
Even more cleaning.

So how did I handle the situation ?
Extremely well, I should say.
I screamed at him at the top of my lungs till my voice was hoarse and blood shot to my temples. I then hosed him down mercilessly to quickly get bath-time over and didnt care if shampoo or water got into his eyes. As a result, I had a toddler crying hysterically and a husband who was extremely quiet.
Andy graciously took over the scary duty of child-minding so I could go hide and smoke some weed.
At night the good husband rubbed moisturizer on my tired aching feet.

Granted, Adam was rather well-behaved today. He held onto my hand throughout the whole Toy sale & waited patiently at the crazy queue for payment.



It was totally wrong of me to snap at him. I later kissed him & we were friends again (he let me play with his Thomas train set).


Good lordy, being a Mummy is the toughest job in the whole wide world.

I may be the dumbest Mom

The other night while reading a Dinosaur book to Adam, he popped a classic w- question:

Adam: Mummy where do dinosaurs come from?

Me: They hatched from dinosaur eggs.

Adam: where do the dinosaur eggs come from?

Me: I don't know. Go ask Daddy.
(This has become my favourite response when I dont have answers. Push everything to the other DNA-contributor. Muahahahaha~ Which is also why I suspect my son thinks I'm dumb. Why does Mummy always say I-dunch-know?)

Why has no one ever warned me how tiring talking to a toddler may be?
Because one needs to actually pause & think of answers. And damn, some questions are tough.
I'd be happier to answer "Where do babies come from".
I have anticipated and prepared several text-book answers to this, but Dinosaurs? Seriously?

All people said was - don't worry it will only get better.
Not true.
I like infants the best. The more they grow, the lesser I like them (half kidding).
The sleep-wake-poop cycle is actually the best time in motherhood. If ima do it all over again, ima pop a champagne and enjoy my moment in the bath-tub while the baby is still a non-talking and non-moving, er, baby.
When these poop-machines start flipping/crawling/grabbing you will battle them for 20 mins just to wipe a slimy bum & put a clean diaper on.
When they start cruising & walking? You will need eyes at the back of your heads. And preferably you have 8 arms too, like an octopus, to better block/reach out/ grab/ shield/ catch with.
Then it won't be long before these little cutesy-pants start running, and once they start, running will be their only mode of transport on land. And likely yours too.
When they start talking, conversations go off like these:


Mummy I'm going to eat my booger
Mummy I want to pee in the pond.
Mummy where are we going?
Mummy why do we need to eat?
Mummy what are we eating?
Mummy who is calling you on your handphone?
Mummy what is she telling you about?


One fine day, they grow up too quickly & rather than worshipping you, they suddenly think that you embarrass them.
They won't hold your hand or kiss you no more.
You think back and wonder why in the world you wished they grew up quickly.
Maybe then it'll be my turn to pester him with my w- questions.

Adam why do I adore you so much?
Adam why do you grow up so fast?
Adam will you love Mummy forever?
Adam will you still hold my hand and kiss me when I'm old and frail?
Adam why do I love you so much?

Now, can anyone pray tell me, where on earth do Dinosaurs come from?

credit source: google images

36 Weeks: what a swell time.

My firstborn came as a complete surprise.
Actually, it was more like a rude shock, which is an understatement. Andy & I were planning wedding venues & dates and I didn't even suspect I was knocked up. One morning, I just felt really exhausted & even threw up my sardine curry puffs. The company doctor diagnosed me as having "Gastroenteritis" and sent me home on 2 days' MC plus medication.
The first thing that crossed my mind was - Shit, I missed my period for 2 months and we DIDNT suspect that?! I took a pregnancy test to be sure, and in denial, I took another test.
It was sure as taxes and death.
I called up Andy & my galfriend crying. A baby was the last thing I hoped for. My married life is over before it even began.
I wasn't a child-person. In fact, I loved my freedom and shopping so much and was just about to venture into a new chapter called Marriage with the man I've been dating for 6yrs.
Having a baby certainly wasn't on my Married Life list. Not yet anyway. But it happened. And we were going to be parents *gulp*
Andy took the news better than I did. He was overjoyed and made an appointment for us to see a Obgyn. We went for the 1st scan and heard the heartbeat.
From then on, there was no turning back. Fast forward 3 yrs.

For Baby #2, it was a planned pregnancy. Andy was sure he wanted a 2nd baby but I kept putting it off and cited my part-time Nursing Degree as the excuse (remember I'm not so much a child-person & I was perfectly contented with the financial stability & undivided love that we could shower on Adam).
Alas I finally graduated from my 2-year course, armed with a Degree, a better job offer & fatter paycheck, (and plus the fact that I secretly yearned to smell a newborn again because I missed Adam's infancy), I caved in to Andy's wish to conceive again. It was perfect timing & all planned.

Right?

We recently went for my Week 36 checkup & my good Doctor passed me my admission letter to Mt Alvernia & asked if I've packed my hospital bag, and have we decided our birth plan - To try VBAC or Csect? Andy & I looked at eachother gobsmacked. I think I'll huff & I'll puff and I'll squeeze the baby out, does it sound like a solid birth plan??

Then I realized the hard truth - no amount of planning could ever prepare you for parenthood.

Parenthood is scary.
- It's about sleepless nights.
- Worrying about adequate milk supply/ proper latching techniques.
- Worrying about pooping too much/ too little.
- Putting someone else's fears & feelings before your own.
- Giving up buying that pair of Chanel shoes just so you can pay for something child-related, like Enrichment classes or a whole month's worth of milk powder & groceries.
- Cleaning up puke & curdled milk, and changing bedsheets at 2am because of a sick child and still struggling to work by 8am.
- Praying for peace and quiet but yet worrying when there's actual peace and quiet because your kid might be jamming his fingers in the sockets or busy doodling on your work documents.
- Going insane with that Barney song playing over and over on DVD.
- Getting extremely horrified at the wild toddler in the supermart who unfortunately belongs to you (I sometimes pretend I'm the Big Sister until I'm addressed as Mummy by that misbehaving toddler).

Suddenly, EVERYONE has an opinion on your pregnancy and child-rearing ways.
You know how those nosy pokers are ?
- If you're married they wanna know when you'll have a baby.
- When you have a baby they wanna know when you're having the next baby.
- And they also wanna know the genders & names.
- They offer you lots of unsolicited advice, even though the last time they were pregnant was at least 40 years ago.
- "If you have 2 boys nevermind can try for a girl for Number 3" (are you insane Aunty?!)
- "Are you going to breastfeed?" (What is it any of your business anyway unless you wanna help me breastfeed?)
- "You are so skinny and your Breastmilk looks diluted, are you sure you're feeding the baby enough?" That was what my MIL said to me. I simply asked her - did you breastfeed your 2 sons? To which she replied a 'No' & thankfully took the cue to shut the F up.
- "Why are you so insistent on breastfeeding? All 3 of you were formula-fed and still went to University." This came from my Mum and honestly if she weren't my mum, I would have stabbed her mouth with a fork. And stabbed her some more.
- "You should let the baby cry it out." This is the most Bullshit advice I ever heard. Babies want their basic needs met and crying is only communication they know. I can never cuddle my baby enough, and now he's a whooping 3 yr old who much prefers running around to cuddling in my arms. I'm glad I didn't buy that stupid advice. Whoever says that to me with Baby No 2 is gonna have me scream in their face.
- "You should let your child get used to eating some junk instead of organic food to build the immune system." So I have my own beliefs which may differ from yours and I really appreciate your kind advice but I think we are doing fine thankyouverymuch .


Of course there are the moments when my stinky 3 yr old promises to be good (even if only for a grand total of 5 min), and tells me he loves me, and the way he brushes hair off my face mimicking the way I do to his, telling me stories about how his day went at school at bedtime, and those precious moments that no amount of $$ can buy that only a parent could understand.
Makes me suffer selective memory-loss about the whole scary parenting affair.
I love you Adam Tan Tian Kai. Even if it's an emotional roller coaster ride every single day. You have no idea.