Friday, October 15, 2010

Me & him against the world.

The weather has been unforgivingly hot these few days. Our world is dying.
To escape the heat, I brought Kai to IKEA Tampines to hide in the aircon while he played at the Children's section. I love going to IKEA - there are recycling bins everywhere, reminding us that there is still hope for Gaia if we ever do try to do our part.

Just me and him, enjoying eachother's company. Watching him grow up so fast.

Kai kept wanting to play with the other children. I think my son is lonely and needs a sibling.
But the question is - "When?"
I love children, don't get me wrong. And I do enjoy motherhood alot, but I just think it is too much pain going through another pregnancy, another childbirth. Everything kinda goes haywire, and then takes another year to go back to pre-pregnancy state.
I hate to admit it, but I'm terrified of being cut up all over again.

It's easy for Hubby to say. Of course, he loves kids. He even made a poor attempt to humour me, saying since I don't look like I've ever been preggy n given birth before, we can go ahead and have more children. Er, hur hur.
And my parents & aunt have not-so-subtly dropped hints that it's time for us to make more babies. As a matter of fact, my Dad told me that he wants at least FOUR grand-children! *runs away* Everytime I wanna pack Kai's outgrown clothes and toys to hand down to friends & relatives, my Mum and Aunt LY object, saying they can be used for my subsequent children.
I always have to remind them that "Look, Kai has 2 (sometimes more) of EVERYTHING. Like why does he need 2 high chairs? He's not sitting in them anymore anyway".

Honestly, I wish everyone could gimme a break. It's not easy to raise a child, especially in our saturated and competitive country. If we were in Aust where perinatal care and delivery is FOC, and if we led a self-sufficient life in a farm growing our own food, making soap and knitting clothes, YES I will consider to have more children. But right now, we have to face reality.
It's not cheap to raise a child here. Baby bonus of $4k you ask?? My delivery cum hospitalisation costs already more than that, dahhling.
I'm not even talking about the Ralph Lauren or Baby Burberry apparel. Or the two-thousand-dollars pram. Those are just one-off purchases, you pay and then you forget about it. I'm saying, to have a sustainable life here needs alot of $$.

Kai is special to us. We want him to have the best in our abilities. Call me selfish, but a large part of me is also worried that if we have another child, we will have to share that love and attention. And that, makes me reluctant. I don't want Kai to share our love. He deserves our undivided affection.
If he tells us he wants a didi (brother) or meimei (sister), yes I will have mind-blowing (unprotected) sex with Hubby in a heartbeat.

But right now, on some days - like today - it's just Kai and me against the world.

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