Friday, March 1, 2013

My baby was hospitalised

This week has been a long roller coaster ride for us. Ashton was admitted to KKH on Sunday night and had surgery on Monday. Our baby was born with a fatty tissue on his spine and surgery was needed to correct it.
I will share more of it in another post if I have time.

Alone in the nights staring at my child on the hospital bed, I was tired but couldn't sleep, hungry but had no appetite to eat. I think even if I were thrown into a jungle with nothing, I wouldn't feel half as helpless as what I'm experiencing.
But for the sake of my children I must soldier on, for God gives his fiercest battles to his strongest soldiers.
Sleepless nights spent in the cold wards with only a chair for bed is nothing compared to the ordeal Ashton is going through.

I felt scared and lost when I first learnt of his diagnosis but I am lucky to have supportive angels around me (**non-mummy and mummy friends alike who had or hadn't have children undergone major surgeries) who rallied by us throughout and constantly checked on me for updates.
Charmaine, Meena & I were on Whatsapp groupchat and they said it was my 24-hour "help line" and sent me videos to keep me occupied. What would I be without such wonderful friends?

The toughest part is helping Adam cope. He's a sensitive boy who loves his brother fiercely and always wants to be around Ashton. He even wants to wear the same clothes as Ashton!
My lovely twins, born 3 years apart. Adam is totally smitten by his brother and they have been sleeping in the same room since Ashton was 2 months old so it's mighty tough for the boys to be separated.

I also found it difficult to be in 2 places at one time shuttling between hospital when Ashton is sleeping & rushing home to be with Adam in the evenings when he is back from school. Even giving him a bath & changing him into his PJs before bed are precious moments to me because time is very scarce and I have to rush back to the hospital before Ashton wakes up for the next breastfeed. Andy has been a real gem, the unsung hero, quietly chauffeuring my MIL, helper and I up and down, without any complaints.

When we were waiting for Ashton outside the theatre, Andy sat quietly at a corner playing games on his iPhone but instead of getting mad & accusing him of being heartless, I know that's Andy's way of coping. My husband is a man of few words, but sometimes it's the unspoken that tell you so much more.

For my past birthdays, I wished for nice bags and shoes and when I got them, I wanted nicer/ more expensive ones.
This year, I spent my Big Three in the High Dependency Ward. In retrospect, all those material things are worthless to me now even if they cost an arm and a leg. Nothing is more important than the speedy recovery of Ashton and simply being able to be with my children, husband and loved ones.

My baby, so small and helpless. I am his source of food, love and comfort. To him, I am his everything. I am his Mummy. Therefore, Mummy is everything.
Oh I just hope that Ashton's wound would heal fast so his stitches can be out soon.
I miss home, I miss our old routine of noisy, pesky kids before bedtime and I miss cuddling them both to bed.

“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.” - Mother Teresa.

** Thank you Joey, Jas, MagMag, Charmaine, Meena, Twinkle, and so many other people whom I cannot list all at once. But your friendship and support is very much cherished. Thank you.

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